A Bucket List

Yesterday I posted one video on gripes and complaints.

Bear with me as I throw myself under the bus today.

When I say that a third world country changes you... it's in ways you cannot fathom unless you've experienced it.

While the emotions I felt while there were all consuming, they were minor compared to what I felt after returning home.

Guilt. Shame. Embarrasment.

All this time I've tried to follow Jesus- yet still lived in the most worldly society on the planet.

I've agnonized over which cute pillows from Pottery Barn would best match my rug.

I've written bucket lists outlining all the fun, extravagant things our family planned to tackle that season.

And during each moment of utter selfishness, my Jesus stood beside me- knowing.

Knowing that one day I would meet sweet Gabriella- the most giving person I know- and I would sit and talk with her inside her cardboard home with a dirt floor.

Knowing that one day I would wash the beautiful brown feet of amazing women while I told them the story of how and why Jesus washed his disciples feet.

Knowing that one day I would hold the brown-skinned babies born into the black dirt of Nicaragua and for the first time in my life truly love a stranger as Christ loves.

Knowing that one day I would hold a woman's hands up while she cried out to God on a dirt-floor altar... then seconds later see her prayer answered as I watched her son Benito pray to receive Christ. Benito who was highly involved in gangs and drugs. Benito who begged to go along with us because he knew what was waiting for him when we left- a group of men who would see him suffer for his decision. Benito, who is saving his first dance on those streets of gold for an unworthy gringo in the Estados Unidos.

Jesus knew all along my selfishness. Yet he was patient with me, loving, and tender. Waiting for the day when I'd step onto the black soil of a third world country and He'd open my eyes and show me His heart.

Here's another heart-breaking video about a young boy's bucket list.

When I first watched this, my heart broke and I felt nauseous thinking of my selfish, self-centered ways in the past. One more example of God convicting my heart and bringing things that need changing to light. This is an almost daily occurrence now.

My bucket list has changed drastically.

Simplified is the best term to use.

What once consisted of nearly 30 adventourous items, now contains only two.

One. To love others as Jesus loves.
Two. To give my life away to serving in a third world country longterm.

It may be years, months, or next week. I'm not sure. All I know is that I have been called to missions- specifically to discipleship training for young women. God knows His plans, and in the meantime my husband and I will pray for Him to open doors and give us the courage to be obedient.

So, what's on your Bucket List?