Sandpaper People

We all have those people in our lives that just seem to rub us the wrong way. Sandpaper people come in many forms: family, friends, coworkers, classmates, even fellow believers. They seem to rub raw places on our hearts and leave us scurrying for a way to avoid them. The problem is that no matter how many times we proclaim to be 'done with them', we always end up running head-on into them, whether it's through a text, email, or a harsh comment.

Why can't we seem to escape them? Why does it seem they are always there, rubbing our hearts, and leaving raw places in their wake? Because God is using them to do some of His best work in our lives.

You see, Sandpaper people are not the ones who benefit. We, the objects of the rubbing, are the ones who are being refined, smoothed, perfected.

If you have recognized people in your life as Sandpaper, then you know how hard it can be to love them. It's never easy to love someone that leaves scrapes on our hearts. Sandpaper people demand their own way, they are ever receiving and never giving, boastful, rude, and often selfish. They seem to pop in and out of our lives at their convenience- often when they need something. They leave us feeling used, confused, and questioning their love for us. We begin to wonder where to draw the line. My friend, there isn't a line. There is only love. You see, in spite of their coarseness, God has called us to love all His creations- not just the loveable, but even more so the unlovable. 
 
Jesus knew we would need guidance when dealing with Sandpaper people. Luke 6:27-36 is about loving those who don't always love you back.

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that you?...And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you?" Luke 6:32,34 

I know what you are thinking, "She hasn't met so-and-so" or "She doesn't understand what all so-and-so has done to me all these years". You are thinking it's impossible to forgive and love those we view as unlovely. You are right, it is impossible in our own strength. But in spite of all the scrapes left on your heart, 'there is a balm in Gilead to heal the wounded soul." That balm, my friend, is Jesus. You see, we are called to love others as Jesus loves us. Yet, Jesus' love is different than our love.

We love according to our feelings. When a friend is caring and helpful, we feel loved and thus express love in return. We call that 'friendship love'. When our spouse gives us warm, fuzzy feelings and we want nothing more than to spend time with them, we call that 'being in love'. If we only love others based on our feelings towards them, then we will never learn to love the unlovable, because the one thing that is hard to feel towards a Sandpaper person is love. At one point or another we are all Sandpaper people. Friendships are going to have ebbs and flows, as will all marriages, and we cannot stop loving them just because they are rubbing us the wrong way. Those trying times are when we have to love them with a Christ-like love.

"... Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another". John 13:34

As I have loved you, so you must love one another. We are not to love as we deem fit. We are to love with the same measure that we have first been loved by Christ.

You see, God's love is not based on merit or feelings. God has chosen to love us, regardless of our actions. You see, love is a choice.

The best picture of Christ-like love is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I made a point years ago to memorize chapter 13, also know as the Love Chapter, and often times I find myself silently repeating it to myself during those trying times with Sandpaper people.

"Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him." {Living Bible translation}.
 
That is how God loves me, and how He loves you. No matter how mean or selfish we are, or how many times we settle for our own way of doing things instead of His way—God’s response to us is love. He never throws His hands up and says He's done with us. When we truly realize how God, by His infinite mercy and grace, has loved us to the end of our meanness, selfishness, and pride, then no matter how heartless another person may be, we can choose to respond to them with love also. We can respond to the selfish and rude person with love, because that’s how God responds to us. When we are filled with Christ's love, it will splash onto those around us, drenching them in love and mercy.
So how is God teaching us to respond with His kind of love? By loving Sandpaper people. When we can respond to the meanest person we know with the love of God, as He has loved us, then God has done one of His best works in us. He’s taught us how to love as He loves.